Losing Lydia Grace and Finding Grace

I have heard it said that the the brokenness of the world and man did not come through Adam and Eve choosing to eat the apple.  The fall of humanity actually came when Adam and Eve looked around and saw all of the perfection that had been given freely to them yet chose to focus on the one and only thing they were told they could not have.

I imagine this is the essence of Grace.  Grace is all that is freely given to us and is the essence of living life fully.  We can either embrace it and cherish it and be satisfied by it, or we can choose to look at the things we are told are not intended to be part of our story, reject grace and focus on them, dwell on them, choke them down and ultimately die by bitterness and fear.

Lydia Grace was delivered to the arms of Jesus sometime before her broken body was delivered to our broken world on August 15th, 2012 around 9pm.

I don't want anyone to think that I am oblivious to the troubling details of many pieces of this line of my narrative--my story.  There are many.  But I suppose I have clung to God given Grace in my life.  Because I simply cannot describe the days that led up to her delivery in any way that does not sound like I am describing the perfect wedding day.  Truly, it was one of the most precious and beautiful experiences of my life.  The timing of everything, and I mean everything could not have been more perfectly marked.  The characters God chose to play all of the different parts in this story could not have been more perfectly appointed.

Lydia was delivered amidst obscene amounts of laughter.  I was laughing, Jeff was laughing, a room full of nurses were laughing and the funniest doctor I have ever encountered (not my own OB) was laughing and causing much laughter.  She was Indian.  Probably not a Christian, and probably one of the most perfect and glorious gifts I could have asked for in this story.  But I didn't ask for many of the gifts that were given.  They were freely given.  Beautiful.  Perfect. And incredibly precious.

I spent much of the time savoring the moments of our labor and delivery.  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the hand of God was on me.  I cannot wait and I hope I get the time to write down many of the amazing stories that made these days so perfect.  But I'm not sure they were actually that perfect...

...Jeff and I looked at one another many times after the delivery one of us asking the other, "How does anyone do this without the knowledge of Christ?"  

Outside of the context of Christ, eternity and probably mostly grace--the gifts freely given to us to be enjoyed and offered back in praise--this would have been a devastating loss.

After Lydia's body was delivered we were asked if we wanted to spend the night on a different floor where we would not hear babies crying. So very thoughtful.  I declined.  The following morning as I was waiting to be discharged, I stood in the hallway listening to newborn babies cry.  I wanted to know if it was going to hurt. 

 It didn't.  I was surprised.  I smiled.  

A lot.

Bringing Lydia home (I'm crying now as I write this) was never supposed to be part of my story.  I felt completely secure in this.  I feel completely secure in this.  The world would say this is a sad story. And yet, my story is incredibly beautiful.  Full of laughter, and innumerable good and perfect gifts.  

I will extol my God always.  His praise will forever be on my lips for the Grace that He lavishes on me so freely.  His favor rests on me.  Of that I am completely sure.  

Thank you Lydia for teaching me so much about my Lord.  As for you, my daughter, Lydia, Know the Lord of your mother and father and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every intent of the thoughts.  If you seek Him, He will let you find Him... (1Chron28:9) Rest in His arms and delight in His grace, sweet daughter.  I cannot wait to serve along side of you.

Lydia's memorial service will be held graveside, informally, in Edinboro, Pennsylvania, next Saturday August, 25th.  We don't expect anyone to travel, but close friends are always welcome.   Many details still need to be worked out, but I anticipate there will be a great deal of worshiping through testimony of God's great works, prayer, and especially song.

I love you, friends.  Thank you for being apart of this journey with me and for the many perfect parts you played along the way.